What is the difference between a two-year old and a New Yorker?

So, this weekend I had the joy of experiencing the company of two types of people;

New Yorkers and two-year olds.

And let’s face it – they’re both assholes.

Never before have I ever had to endure such bratty, rude, bad-mannered, self-centred behaviour displaying a complete lack of social awareness – and to deal with a shitty-mood toddler alongside that was almost more than I could bear.

Manners cost nothing.

Holding a door open for someone who is struggling with a pushchair and a tantrumming spawn of Satan costs nothing.

And let me tell you something; if you can afford to work, play and/or live in New York City, you can bloody well afford to behave like a decent human being.

In addition to that, this weekend BC has decided that I am her nemesis. Mr M worked from home Friday and then has the weekend off -and so for the past 48hrs the most common phrases I have heard are:

  • Go ‘way mummy
  • No mummy
  • Not mummy, want daddy
  • Cuggle me, daddy. Go ‘way mummy
  • Get off my big girl seat, mummy
  • No go bed mummy (this last one is a refusal to go to bed. If it was an instruction for me to go to bed, I wouldn’t be complaining right now)

You can see the theme.

And so I have spent the last 48hrs silently mouthing ‘Fuck off, then’ in the general direction of BC. Or sticking two fingers up at her when she turns around after shooting me death glares and flapping her hands at me in the same manner that you do when a particularly scrappy looking, flea infested animal comes near you – chanting ‘go way’ at me in monotonous repetition.

And you know what gets me most? How generally acceptable it is for both these sets of people to behave like this. If I  hear…

“Oh, that’s just New Yorkers for you”

“It’s the terrible two’s.”

…. one more time, I swear I will go catatonic on whoever says it.

And you know what gets me EVEN MORE?

My reasoning of “That’s sleep-deprived-newly-emigrated-completely-out-of-their-comfort-zone-mums for you” won’t even come close to getting the same level of understanding that New Yorkers and two-year olds get.

So the answer to my title question is: NOTHING.

They both get away with behaving terribly because that’s just ‘who they are’.

F*ckers.

*Of course, there are many New Yorkers who I have met since I have been here who truly are the most delightful, kind, polite, generous and helpful people I could hope to meet. And there are two-year olds I know who are the most gorgeously angelic, well-behaved, sweet children.

**However, THESE types of New Yorkers and two-year olds appear to have fallen into a black hole this weekend.

***And I am in a piss-arsed bad mood.

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3 thoughts on “What is the difference between a two-year old and a New Yorker?

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